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Each week at Training Camp, we’re lucky enough to be joined by world class trainers and speakers. Last week, we welcomed Jarik Conrad, President and CEO of the Conrad Consulting Group, who provides training on emotional intelligence (EI) to high performing leaders and companies across the globe. In his guest post below, Jarik cuts through some of the common myths surrounding EI and outlines the actionable ways you can increase EI in your own life.

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In recent years, there has been an explosion in the number of scholarly articles, books, feature reports, and blog posts about emotional intelligence (EI). While many of the researchers, authors, and reporters are optimistic (pointing out the significance of EI for attaining personal and professional success) others have cast it off as another “fad” that will soon give way to the next “flavor of the month.” Untrained opportunists have taken ownership of the term and awkwardly injected it into their work, giving it a false panacea feel.  Far from this, EI is actually a specific constellation of  measurable and teachable skills.

I saw a recent news story where the reporters characterized EI as a set of “soft” skills that helped kids be nice and friendly to each other. EI is much more nuanced than that; it is not about holding hands and singing Kumbaya. EI is hardcore science, with an evidence-based foundation in psychology and neuroscience. Though the term “EI” is relatively new, the skills that comprise it – (1)being self-aware; (2)managing stress; (3) demonstrating empathy; (4) controlling one’s impulses; (5) maintaining optimism in the face of challenges; (6) being assertive; and (7) genuinely connecting with others – have always been important, particularly for entrepreneurs.
There are examples of entrepreneurs who have achieved extraordinary financial success despite lacking skills in some of these areas, but it would be a risky proposition for young entrepreneurs to bet their future on modeling the behavior of someone with low EI. Moreover, study after study indicate the most significant factor that determines happiness late in life is social bonds, which EI skills helps to discover, build, and strengthen.

A quick internet search will yield oodles of information about the most popular models of EI, but it is important to put that information together in a way that is practical and meaningful. Here are some specific actions – compiled throughout over a decade of experience training and coaching people on EI –that aspiring entrepreneurs can take to improve their EI and increase the probability of experiencing the highest levels of personal and professional success.

1. Know who you are and why you are

Understand both your strengths and where you have room to develop. Take assessments to get a sense of your personality and work style. Explore the major factors of influence in your life, both the aspects of your personality that you like and the things you know you need to change.

2. Care about others

Being “selfless-centered” is one of the most effective ways to connect with others and enjoy all of the benefits of positive social interactions.

3. Become a “People Watcher”

Try to guess what others are thinking, where they are going, and how they’re feeling as they pass by. Just watching strangers and studying their behavior and body language is a great exercise in improving empathy.

4. Care about what others think of you

Whenever I hear people say “I don’t care what others think,” a red flag pops up in my head. In my confidential discussions with most people who express this, the underlying cause is usually a feeling that others don’t think highly of them and they are unhappy about it.

5. Question everything

Very little is as simple as it seems and very little happens for no reason. The most important question is “Why?” After you get the answer to the first “Why?” ask “Why?” again. Often times, the answer to the third “Why?” might get you somewhere.

6. Take care of yourself

This is not about vanity; obesity is highly correlated with depression, as well as several other chronic health conditions. Just taking a look around it is easy to see that people are unhealthy and unhappy. How can you be good to anyone else if you are not good to yourself?

7. Practice discipline

Don’t let distractions or the lure of quick fixes and easy money trap you, whether it be in your relationships, your health or making sound business decisions.
There are, of course, many other steps you can take to improve your EI; however, the seven items above can provide a solid foundation to launch your investment in you!